First Date Advice Blackbird Style

First date advice from the Blackbird pack. I’d take the advice with a mighty large grain of salt and certainly at your own risk. =)

Elaine: Who’d be dim witted enough to listen to us?

How do you prepare for a first date?

Josh: Darren generally shaves his entire…

*loud sound of scuffling*

Josh: I was confused. Darren never shaves his entire body, my sincere apologies.

Darren: Wanker.

Gareth: They don’t get out much.

*more scuffling*

Steve: I generally lock the animals up before I go anywhere.

Gareth: Prat.

Steve: Alpha.

Elaine: Prat alpha?

Could we perhaps answer the question? How do you prepare for a first date?

Josh: We usually scrub Darren down and douse him with flea stuff before a date.

Darren: At least I have dates.

Lorcan: Sorry for the fools, lass. First dates are important, making a great first impression is critical to the second date. You have to be yourself. Smelling good is important as well.

Josh: See, that’s why we scrub the fox down.

Steve: I’m with the hare. You should always put your best foot forward.

Gareth: Which is why I always go on first dates for Steve.

Josh: Ouch.

Steve: Who kissed Ivy first?

Gareth: Bastard.

Maybe we should move on to another question. Who pays on the first date?

Steve: I do.

Elaine: Whoever issued the invite.

Gareth: Steve does.

Elaine: Cheap bastard.

How do you know the date is going well?

Gareth: I’m on it.

Lorcan: If my date asks for a second one before the first is even close to being over, I know I’ve done it right.

Josh: Darren knows the date is going well when Natasha tells him.

*Less scuffling, more banging and thumping*

Steve: The best sign your first date is going well is if your date moves closer to you as opposed to farther away.

What’s your favourite place to go on a first date?

Gareth: Jazz club.

Josh: Footie match.

Darren: Which is why you haven’t had a date in a year or more.

Elaine: Do online dates count?

All the men: No.

Elaine: Wankers.

And thus concludes another useful…or useless…session of advice from the Blackbird pack.

Have burning question you’d like to pose to the pack? Leave a comment with it and I’ll use it in the next advice blog.